Let the battle begin!!

Oh, it's on mold. You're going down!

Armed with my bleach and Tilex (which I had to search for because the shelves were empty as I apparently am not alone in my battle) I am officially taking back this house!

As of right now, I am on a break because my trusty bleach sidekick is burning my retinas out, or something like that. A piece of advice here, don't create your bleach solution when you are currently disgusted and fed up with whatever situation you are trying to dissolve. Because as you watch the bleach flow from the bottle into the bucket and that smell, the glorious smell of clean moldlessness, rises into your nostrils you go all mad scientist on the thing and start really dumping it in there, laughing your wicked, take over the world laugh. I think it goes something like this.....

muah ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

I'm pretty sure I'm working at about 75% bleach, 25% water. Hey, let's all just be grateful I didn't just open the bottle and start sloshing the stuff around full strength - the thought crossed my mind more than once.

Yeah, yeah, I know the the danger of bleach, and mixing it and all that. I mean, why do you think I didn't start bleaching the house sooner? Because under normal circumstances I don't even let it in my house. I actually had to go buy it. Chlorine is awful stuff, and just plain terrible for our environment. Normally, I hardly use any household cleaners at all. Water works fine in place of windex, just dry the darn mirror off with a towel you're good to go. Thank you Hippie Mom for teaching me that one (T's mom has just officially been renamed) And there are many eco-friendly cleaning alternatives on the market that will serve you just fine. Normally.

But this isn't normal. Oh no. This is a case of poor California Girl who has never experienced any real true humidity in her life moving to the humidity capital of the world, all ignorant and naive along with her husband, California Boy.

"Oh honey, my Seventh Generation Shower Cleaner will work just fine! It always has!"

"Sure dear," says California Boy, "and let's just close the doors to these other rooms we don't use when we turn on the air conditioner, to save electricity and all. No need to cool rooms we don't use."

And there, right there was our major, major downfall. For those poor, cut-off rooms are coming back to haunt me. Don't you worry toy room, guest room, guest bath, boy's bath and master bath, I shall never, never neglect you again - no matter if I have to sacrifice this planet in order to do so!!!!

Okay, so that's a little overdramatic - but c'mon, my nose hairs are singed, my clothes are bleach spotty, my eyes are on fire and I'm high on chlorine. What'd you expect?

Yuck! Yuckity-Yuck! Yuckity-Yuck-Yuck-Yuck!

Remember this day?

Well, as if that wasn't bad enough, what to you get when you cross a soaking wet house with a few innocent moldy spores floating around like they always do, looking for a party?

You get this damn it!!!!Oh! You thought it was a wicked space grass producing meteorite that turned Stephen King into a walking weed? Oh no. It was the humidity - the humidity I tell ya!

It's Mold Wars '08. And a few friends have already succumbed to the battle. A rug, some baskets...shoes. They fought the good fight but there was nothing that could be done. All we (read I) can do now is clean and dry, and clean and dry, and bleach, and air condition, and dehumidify and hope to minimize our losses.

Jenny & Rob - Does your business service the Misawa area?

I've been spending my days trying to get this all taken care of before T's mom gets here. Partly because I just want to be able to relax and enjoy the visit, and partly because I can't send her back to Cali looking like THIS:Ha! Damn I loved that movie!

On a positive note, I guess another Creepshow is in the works!

M. says... (quotes from my 5 year old)

"My friend says there's this guy in Texas with a chainsaw, and the only things he cuts down is HUMANS! So don't go to Texas."

The other side of the disco.

Over 12 years ago I started my first job as a DJ, for TSPDJ (TS Productions back then). Although I loved the job, being the youngest, newest DJ - and probably because I was the girl - I always, always got stuck doing "Kiddie Disco" out at Beale AFB.

I am not a kid person. Yeah, I know, I have two of them. Even when I was little I preferred hanging out with the grown ups, sitting on their laps, bugging them, trying to be a part of the conversation. I've never been the roll-around-on-the-floor, silly, crazy one that all the kids gravitate toward. Trying to do that always felt fake, and you know, kids see right through that crap, so why bother?

So sticking me on "Kiddie Disco" was probably the worst decision Steve could have ever made, and quite possibly the most challenging thing I've ever done. Standing up on a stage and running around the room with 50 kids, trying to entertain them and send them home exhausted, was, well, exhausting - more mentally than physically.

Seeing the cuteness behind the high pitched screaming, same question repeating, hip poking, hey, hey, hey lady, hey, hey lady, ketchup-faced ragamuffin was never my forte. I like to think I'm better at it these days. A little. Sort of. But back then, every Wednesday from 5pm-8pm was the bane of my existence.

I was in Locomotion Limbo Hokey Pokey Hell.

Fast-forward to last night. What's a mom to do when her husband is in Denver and she's searching for something to entertain and exhaust her own high-pitched screaming, organic-ketchup-faced ragamuffins?

Kiddie Disco!

And dare I say, it was actually fun! Rolling around on the floor, balloon sword fighting, hokey-pokey heaven! Because there truly is nothing better, or more fun, than watching your children get down and boogie - except doing it with them.

Sure the times have changed a bit, and Kiddie Disco has evolved since those days. But so have I. Now I am the parent, the grown-up. When once all of the moms were running out to join their kids for the Macarena, now we're all rushing out to dance floor for the Cupid Shuffle:



Which was kind of weird with the kids since the last time I did that dance I was less than sober...

But anyway...

The strange reality that the 16 year old DJ was now the 28 year old mom chasing her kid around was not lost on me. And I have to admit it was kind of an emotional moment. All that I have done, experienced, and endured to get to this place - the other side of the Disco. No longer a teenager faking her way through three hours a week, but a parent, exchanging knowing glances with the mom digging the stepped-on floor cookie out of her toddler's mouth. And I have to say, I like this place a lot better. It's hard. It's exhilarating. It's frustrating. It's worth it.

This my friends, is not fake. This is as real as it gets.

hmmpf! Men!

I'm changing L's diaper and M. says, "I hope I never ever have to change a diaper."

Me: "Well, someday you'll probably have to change your kid's diaper."

M.: (long pause) "No...my wife will."

M. says... (quotes from my five year old)

fishing on the lake...

"Mom, did you see that cast? That was a BAD ASS cast!"

Umm, yeah son, definitely bad ass...hmm....
Well, we can thank T. for that one, and he knows it. He says if M. would have gotten it from me it would have been something more like, "hey mom, did you see that f**kin' cast?"

Me? Never.

How cute is this guy?

Fun with glow sticks and shutter speed

Pure 5 year old bliss....

anonymous butt blog

This is a blatant, flat-out advertisement for mosquito repellent. Not that I believe it's healthy in any way, but neither is this....

Now we all know this isn't my skinny butt (praise the Lord!) but I did snap this photo. Well, first I screamed and oh my gawd-ed all over the place and finally came to my senses and realized this was a moment that must be documented, after first receiving permission of course.

It's a perfect example of not following sage camping advice. When they say to wear loose-fitting, light-colored clothing, and about a gallon or so of mosquito repellent, you darn well better do it! This is what happens to tight-black-pant-wearing, unprotected souls who sit in mesh camping chairs.

Seriously, I would have loved to have seen this action close up - a fly on the butt, so to speak. I mean, how could something like this have happened? Was it just five or so greedy, gluttonous mosquitoes feasting on her behind, or were we all sitting there, happily enjoying our s'mores, oblivious to the massive swarm performing such evil on this poor girl's tush?

One may never know.

Just remember, if you're going camping, either wear the right clothes and bug repellent, or bring a friend you can sacrifice to the mosquito Gods - because if every mosquito at the lake is eating your friend's butt, they won't be eating yours!