Where no SANE mom has gone before...

No, I'm not the first mom to drag her two small children to the mall on a shopping mission in a foreign country. Millions have before me. But I feel qualified enough to say that not one of those women was actually in her right mind. And neither was I.

We are driven out of desperation. Desperate for human interaction. Desperate to escape the house. Desperate for silver strappy shoes to wear to a formal dinner just over 24 hours away because the shoes you ordered online took forever to get come in and they Hurt. Like. Hell.

Now, shopping with two kids for recreational purposes is hard enough. Shopping with two kids when you actually really need to find something in particular is an entire different experience.

M is a typical 5 year old and/or male shopper, only interested in doing it if there is something in it for him. If not, he's whining and asking when we can go home. Wow, I wasn't aware the guy mentality kicked in so early.

L is always fun and enjoyable as long as everything is on his "I'm almost two" terms. Let's outline those terms:
1. Absolutely no stroller whatsoever unless I'm exhausted from running and said stroller's tray is full of my favorite snacks.
2. All fabrics must be touched, especially if I choose to be in my stroller with sticky hands, and even more so if there is a possibility of my hand getting stuck in the fabric and broken off.
3. If it has an animal on it, I am allowed to spend as long as I want pointing to the animal and making animal noises. Do Not Rush Me!
4. Shoes are negotiable.

Fully aware - and terrified - of my children's terms I stuffed them into the car and headed off. 20 minutes later and a few small towns over we arrived at the mall.

And then a miracle occured.

L sat in his stroller - and they both managed to follow me around the mall twice, through both stories, with minimal whining, screaming, and grabbing. M was on a silver shoe mission, calling out to me whenever he spotted a silver shoe, be it a toddler's flip-flop or the most hideous boots of all time. We stopped briefly by Kid Vegas (more on that another day) and nobody cried when it was time to go. I found my shoes (paid twice as much as I wanted to for them but oh well) along with other things I needed but figured I'd never ever find.

At lunch the boys ate all of their food (because McDonald's is so hard to eat), never tried to escape, and they even let me enjoy my own yummy Japanese lunch. And all it cost me was two happy meals, and a couple japanese die-cast vehicles that are so cool I actually wanted to buy them for the boys.

So, one pair of fancy shoes, one expensive backless bra, and 6 pretty baskets later we arrived home. Alive. And no more insane than we were when we left. Ready to shop another day!

Psshaw! I'm quitting while I'm ahead.

Here's hoping Japanese bra cup sizes are the same as Americans...